Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
