just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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