Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
