Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
