you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
