this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
