Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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