I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
