I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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