Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
