You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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