Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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