Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
