Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
