He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
