Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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