Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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