woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
