Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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