K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
