"it" just moved
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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