remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
