Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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