i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
