friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
