We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
