hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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