I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
