I wish I only lived at night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
