went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What drink are we having for lunch?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
