We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
