Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She needs sedatives and a leash
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