Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
