did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
