I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
