I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
