my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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