i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
