I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
