Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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