he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
