What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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