mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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