He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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