She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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