She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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