I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
