By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
