Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
