You really coming over, don't trick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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