I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
