So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
