i don't like sucking hair
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
